Nine is my like, number. It's my thing. It follows me places, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It just lets me know whatsup. My birthday is on 9/9 and that's probably what started the whole ordeal but it's just gotten bigger for me, from there. So every year on New Years I make 9 resolutions, for good luck. I just did my New Years routine; bath, book. comfortable clothes. I don't like going out on New Years Eve because it messes up my zen. I just like to set my intentions for the year, and here they are.
1. TAKE MONEY SERIOUSLY
I've made a lot of money in my short lifetime.. I cringe thinking about how much I've made vs. how much I currently have in savings. I've always been that girl, from the meme, who just assumed things in my bank account were OK since my card wasn't getting denied. But here I am, 26 with no credit, and struggling to get an apartment because of it. I should have saved. I should have applied for credit cards. I should have done something besides buy sneakers. But I didn't. Thankfully, I have a blank space and a very steady income. So I'm ready for the year because I'm going to be on top of it, and learn about money, and stack.
2. don't be embarassed by failure
Well, I fuck up all the time. When it comes to work, I'm overly apologetic. People will come to my desk and say there's something wrong and I'll immediately apologize, even if later I find out it wasn't even my mistake. But when it comes to my personal life, and my personal ventures, I'm too proud. I wanted to be a stylist at one point in life and put together an outfit for a photoshoot. When I saw the outfit on film it looked so horrible then I never tried again. Literally. True story. That attitude has led me to letting so many great experiences pass me by. 2018 I vow to use failure as a way to learn and not a way to give up.
3. Stop eating dairy
I am.. generally vegan. If I were to make my own food, go food shopping for myself only, and only eat my own food: I would be 100% vegan. But I'm pussy. When my Mom makes something (she's vegetarian so never any meat) and there's cheese in it, I still eat it because I don't want to be a hassle. If I go out to eat with my friends and there's no vegan options, I'll cave and eat something with eggs because I don't want to be that guy. But this is my body, and I'm going to speak up for myself. Even if I have to be that guy.
4. stay clean
So as I said in a prior number, I'm moving out, and I'm generally a very organized person. I can get lazy. When I get my own apartment, I never want to let it get bad. I want to make sure I do my laundry and clean my entire house every Sunday, no matter what. But I want things to stay so organized that it's not even that bad. Read the Life Changing Art of Tidying Up if you need some help with this, I read it and it's really amazing. I wanna live up to that book, and I can, and I will.
5. say yes more
I can tend to be a super homebody. But life doesn't happen if you're alway in bed. I've been saying this for a long time now but I've been getting better. I need to step out of my comfort zone, go to new places, hear more live music. Me and my boyfriend took a pizza making class and I had so much fun. I just need to get out. Do weird shit.
6. Stay on top of music I like
I used to be the go to girl for music. When I was in college, I could debate any and every album. I loved everything, I loved having an opinion and listening to new things. Now, I take the train in silence. If I put on music to drown people out I play Coloring Book.. like that album isn't old already. But that's not bad because before that I would play Nothing Was The Same. I just don't listen to new things anymore, and if I do it's once and then I go back to my old playlist. 2018 I want to become a part of the conversation again, I want to allow music to make me feel things again. I feel like I got so detached because I would just listen to what my boyfriend listens to, but we have very different tastes. So I need to be a big girl and dedicate myself to music a little again. Little joys.
7. Take myself seriously
I could have been this, I could have been that. I never really try. I never really tried. People think highly of my opinion. I don't mean to say that to sound rude, but it's something I've realized because I don't think highly of it. So often people will tell me "When I do _____ you have to be my stylist." "I can't believe you just ____ and you're dressed so nice." And then I look at myself like wow I look horrible. Sometimes I think I don't even dress that well. Then I realize I love dressing, I love clothes, I love everything about it. But I don't take myself seriously even though other people are ready to. I need to be thankful for an eye. At least it's something. I need to let myself be ok.
8. Learn new things
In 2018 I want to learn how to cook. I want to learn how to drive, and get my drivers license. I want to learn how to play guitar. I want to learn how to do my hair, like good. I want to learn how to make bread. I want to learn more about graphic design. I want to learn how to animate things. I wanna grow.
9. Love Myself
I can be hard on me. Literally every time I look in the mirror I still miss my long hair. I still think I'm ugly, and uglier without my hair. I hate my skin. I don't like my body. But deep under all of that hate for myself, I don't even agree with all of it. I just feel like that in those weak moments. I'm going to change my thoughts. Accept myself for who I am. It's funny, you see all this stuff about how insecure kids are in middle school and high school but it's like, you live with that your whole life. I'm 26 still like "I'm not pretty enough for this". I mean, I don't even like taking my instagram seriously because there's so many prettier instagram girls. Who cares though? I'm me, and that's my power right? So that's my biggest resolution. Is to love myself for who I am, now, not when I lose weight, not when my hair grows, for me right now. Because I've struggled to get here, and I'm proud and thankful for that.
Those are my resolutions. Other than that, I just wanted to say.. I'm so thankful for this year. It wasn't crazy eventful. It wasn't huge. But I finally got a job that pays well, where I don't have to get screamed at by the mothers of 13 year old hypebeast little boys. I'm surrounded by people who love me. I'm about to move in with the love of my life. My loved ones are healthy. We're all growing. My family is so good. It was a quiet year of slow struggle. I'm thankful for it and I'm still learning and growing. I hope 2018 shows me what I need to see and pushes me further. <3